School of Silas Wegg

I have assigned fanciful names to some of the people who take part in the school-run to and from Acacia Primary. What their real names are, I have no idea. And I have no idea where most of them live.

Al & Myra
They generally park either outside the Old Man’s house, or in a more convenient spot nearer to the school. Their son must be in nursery/pre-school or the Reception class. He usually looks a bit bemused when returning to the car after a morning at the school.

Esmé Essex
There is something of the footballer’s wife about Esmé. Her hair is platinum-blonde, arranged in a pony-tail. She drives a Pantech (an up-market MPV), but it is a few years old — so I have speculated that perhaps Mr Essex plays for a football team in one of the lower divisions. I have now glimpsed him twice: once getting into the Pantech via the front passenger door, and once choosing to walk rather than to ride. He is too podgy to be a professional footballer. Usually, Esmé arrives (very) early for the afternoon school-run, and is one of the first to drive home.

Mr & Mrs Jethro
They definitely have only a short distance to drive between their home and Acacia Primary — they live in a house on Acacia Rise. Their car is often to be found parked halfway onto the pavement in front of the Old Man’s house or the CJs’ house.

Max & Mabel Kulak
They drive a model of car that is popular locally. Master Kulak is probably in the Reception class at Acacia Primary; he looks as though he must be quite a handful. Miss Kulak is a baby, no more than a year old. She can stand, but she needs to be carried from the car to the school and back again.

Mr & Mrs Ojay
I’ve seen their car parked outside a house in a nearby street. If that is where they live, their school-run must involve them driving no more than 250 yards to Acacia Primary, and 250 yards back.

Mrs Parker
She drives an Escargot, which she parks in odd positions and at odd angles.

Mrs Pavane
She works at Acacia Primary. My guess is that she is a teacher or Teaching Assistant. Her car, an Escargot, is replete with all sorts of knick-knacks and idiosyncratic decorative features.

Scarlett
I frequently see the antics of her sons (Small Boy and Tiny Boy) when they are on the school-run. As a currently inactive blogger put it:
I just don’t get it. But then again. Not many things small boys do make sense. Well, to anyone other than themselves of course.

Mrs TR
A mother who always does the school-run on foot! From some angles she is an attractive girl, but her loud, sTRident voice and TRuculent, malcontent manner make me wonder how anyone (female or male) could put up with her as a friend or partner. And yet her daughter gives every impression of being as carefree as a pre-schooler should be.

Mr & Mrs Wormwood
They almost always arrive very early for the afternoon school-run, though not quite as early as Esmé. Mr Wormwood stays in the car, while Mrs Wormwood fetches their daughter from school. Mrs Wormwood probably holds the dubious distinction of being the most obese person taking part in the school-run.

[Original posting 27 June 2013]

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